White People Love Gifted Children

January 16, 2009 at 4:05 am 5 comments

I happened to see this funny book at the Women and Children First Bookstore (a retail establishment who’s name my son objects to because it’s unfair to men (oh boo hoo hoo)) called Stuff White People Like.  Basically it’s a list of things that white people are enamored with that may very likely make your entire existence feel like a cliche (if you’re white.  If not, you may feel infinitely cooler.)  Some entries are obvious, such as Coffee, Film Festivals, Farmer’s Markets, and David Sedaris.  Others are a bit more obscure (yet insightful) such as Outdoor performance clothes, standing still at concerts, and making you feel bad about not going outside. 

At #16, right between hating their parents and yoga is Gifted Children.

It says:

White people love “gifted” children, do you know why? Because an astounding 100% of their kids are gifted! Isn’t that amazing?

I’m pretty sure the last non-gifted white child was born in 1962 in Reseda, CA. Since then, it’s been a pretty sweet run.

The way it works is that white kids that are actually smart are quickly identified as “gifted” and take special classes and eventually end up in college and then law school or med school.

But wait, aren’t there white people who aren’t doctors or lawyers, or even all that smart?

Well, here is another one of those awesome white person win-win situations.

Because if a white kid gets crappy grades and can’t seem to ever do anything right in school, they are still gifted! How you ask? They are just TOO smart for school. They are too creative, too advanced to care about the trivial minutiae of the day to day operations of school.

Eventually they will show their creativity in their elaborate constructions of bongs and intimate knowledge different kinds of mushrooms and hash.

This is important if you ever find yourself needing to gain white person acceptance. If you see their kid playing peacefully, you say “oh, he/she seems very focused, are they in a gifted program?” at which point the parent will say “yes.” Or if the kid is lighting a dog on fire while screaming at their mother, you say “my he/she is a creative one. Is he/she gifted?” To which the parent will reply “oh, yes, he’s too creative and smart for school. We just don’t know what to do.” Either situation will put a white person in a better mood and make them like you more.

But NEVER under any circumstance imply that their child is less than a genius. The idea that something could come from them and be less than greatness is too much for them to bear.

 No need to buy the book, the whole thing is on the blog. (Unless you want to support Women/Children First!)  Come to think of it, bookstores like W/C First should probably be on the list.


Entry filed under: Gifted kids. Tags: .

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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Peggy  |  January 16, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    so funny!

  • 2. Jill Wohl  |  February 20, 2009 at 10:58 am

    Also Multilingual Children (#78)

  • 3. dave4118  |  August 9, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    Hi, first-let me say thanks!, you have a great resource here. My daughter,Lillian, will be 5 in December, so that means no kindergarten until next year. My wife and I are doing lots of the legwork now. We know we will fill out a GEAP application and cross our fingers…she is sharp, but brilliant? Who knows. In the meantime, we are planning to meet with our local school principal this week to pick his brain about various subjects. A big question is what is the Comprehensive Gifted Program? for our local school. My limited understanding is that it is a sort of accelerated learning track within the local school. What are the specifics, if any. Also, I’ve read your posts concerning the gifted assessment, Lily is reading three and four letter words, but she is not stringing together words into sentences. At what level was your son reading when he took the gifted assessment?

  • 4. cpsobsessed  |  August 18, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    Dave – sorry, just getting around to responding….
    They say that the gifted test doesn’t measure actual reading or math skills. It is supposedly more logic-based.
    My son could read 3 letter words at test time, if forced (meaning it didn’t come totally naturally nor did he enjoy it in any way, shape, or form.) Probably a month or 2 after the test his reading ability made a big leap which was frustrating. Kids’ skills can change very quickly during this age.
    His Kindergarten teacher told me once that the reading level of the kids in her first gifted class had a wider range than her previous neighborhood classes had. There were kids in my son’s class who could barely read 3-letter words when they started Kindergarten and a few who could read a few grade levels ahead. By the end of Kindergarten I think all the kids could read at a basic level but there was still a wide range. Reading is just one of those things that takes some kids longer to master.

  • 5. S-S Mattie  |  August 5, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    So true! I’m saying that and I’m a kid! Gifted doesn’t even have a specific definition, and IQ test just shows how well you do on the test at that time.
    And being a gifted kid myself, I say it’s a blessing and a curse.
    Thanks for the post!

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