CPS Obsessed

I happened to see this funny book at the Women and Children First Bookstore (a retail establishment who’s name my son objects to because it’s unfair to men (oh boo hoo hoo)) called Stuff White People Like.  Basically it’s a list of things that white people are enamored with that may very likely make your entire existence feel like a cliche (if you’re white.  If not, you may feel infinitely cooler.)  Some entries are obvious, such as Coffee, Film Festivals, Farmer’s Markets, and David Sedaris.  Others are a bit more obscure (yet insightful) such as Outdoor performance clothes, standing still at concerts, and making you feel bad about not going outside. 

At #16, right between hating their parents and yoga is Gifted Children.

It says:

White people love “gifted” children, do you know why? Because an astounding 100% of their kids are gifted! Isn’t that amazing?

I’m pretty sure the last non-gifted white child was born in 1962 in Reseda, CA. Since then, it’s been a pretty sweet run.

The way it works is that white kids that are actually smart are quickly identified as “gifted” and take special classes and eventually end up in college and then law school or med school.

But wait, aren’t there white people who aren’t doctors or lawyers, or even all that smart?

Well, here is another one of those awesome white person win-win situations.

Because if a white kid gets crappy grades and can’t seem to ever do anything right in school, they are still gifted! How you ask? They are just TOO smart for school. They are too creative, too advanced to care about the trivial minutiae of the day to day operations of school.

Eventually they will show their creativity in their elaborate constructions of bongs and intimate knowledge different kinds of mushrooms and hash.

This is important if you ever find yourself needing to gain white person acceptance. If you see their kid playing peacefully, you say “oh, he/she seems very focused, are they in a gifted program?” at which point the parent will say “yes.” Or if the kid is lighting a dog on fire while screaming at their mother, you say “my he/she is a creative one. Is he/she gifted?” To which the parent will reply “oh, yes, he’s too creative and smart for school. We just don’t know what to do.” Either situation will put a white person in a better mood and make them like you more.

But NEVER under any circumstance imply that their child is less than a genius. The idea that something could come from them and be less than greatness is too much for them to bear.

 No need to buy the book, the whole thing is on the blog. (Unless you want to support Women/Children First!)  Come to think of it, bookstores like W/C First should probably be on the list.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/